Since his death on March 17, 461 A.D., St. Patrick has become a symbol of unabashed intoxication. As history would have it, however, he actually had nothing to do with liquor and spent most of his time setting up schools and churches as part of his mission to convert the Irish to Christianity. That said, if you really want to honor his legacy this year, put down the beer and go do something good for humanity.

It was worth a shot.

Below, browse some of the city's Celtic celebrations and let the Americanized revelry ensue.

Disco Crisco Twister: St. Pat's–style
Getting twisted on St. Patrick's Day takes on a whole new (and quite literal) meaning at this ongoing event oddly held at LES rock joint Arlene’s Grocery. Forget the dreadful days of playing Twister in your parents' basement when you were a kid, as this version of the famous floor-mat fiasco is strictly for grown-ups, and there’s something to be said for the understated kink of it all: co-ed teams, a Twister mat and a bucket of Crisco—yowza. Either arrive with your own team in tow or form a squad on site then get ready to 'rassle. Expect prizes, make-out games (spin the bottle, seven minutes in heaven, etc) and live music by The Vinyl Stash and DJ Skintight. $10 at door.
When: Sunday, March 16, 7 p.m. (95 Stanton St. between Rivington and Ludlow Sts., 212-995-1652)

Luck of the Irish Pub Crawl
Thirty bars in two days is the challenge at hand, and the Village Pourhouse plans to put you to the test by organizing a tipsy trek between nearby spots Proof, Bar None, Blind Pig, Webster Hall and more. Crawlers will score $1 to $2 Bud and Bud Light, and $2 well drinks at every stop. You can purchase $20 tickets for the Saturday afternoon stroll or the Monday after-work walk on St, Patrick's Day proper. Or, if you really got moxie (or a slight drinking issue), get a two-day pass for $30. Also included? The chance to win a free trip to Ireland.
When:  March 15 at 12 p.m., and March 17 at 5 p.m. (64 Third Ave. at 11th St., 212-979-2337)

St. Pat's Southern-style
What’s a Memphis-style Southern spot doing celebrating St. Patrick’s Day? We’re not sure either, but we’re not complaining. Southern Hospitality—Justin Timberlake’s UES ‘cue joint—honors the holiday by shippin’ in Killian’s beer and offering $6 "Southern Irish Car Bombs." No word if it’s hot sauce contributing to the ‘Southern’ part of that concoction. (1460 Second Ave. at 76th St., 212-249-1001)
When: Through St. Patrick's Day

Punk St. Pat’s
Get an early jump on SPD at Iggy's Keltic Lounge with a Sunday-night bash set with a slew of specials, including $3 Dirty Leprechaun Shots (1/2 shot Jagermeister topped with 1/2 shot Bailey's). DJ Dirtbag Kim promises Irish punk and standard Irish drinking songs mixed in with a global selection of really loud and really angry music. On the 17th, an all-day celebration ensues.
When: March 16 to 17, 1 p.m. (132 Ludlow St. at Rivington St., 212-529-2731)

St. Patrick's Beer Tasting
Get an upscale jump on your plans with a pre–St. Patty’s beer tasting at Audrey, W New York – The Tuscany's swanky in-house lounge. The event is open to the public, and a Samuel Adams expert will be on hand to teach guests about the brewing process while they enjoy free beer.
When: March 13, 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. (120 E. 39th St. between Park and Lexington Aves., 212-519-8508)

St. Patrick's week
Although Ulysses is so far down that it can confuse a cabbie, it’s worth making the trek on almost any night to this sprawling bar with the historic vibe. Truly committed to St. Patrick’s Day, Ulysses' big plans will thrill revelers looking to toast all things blarney with a full week of events, including a classic Irish carvery complete with corned beef and cabbage, shepherd's pie, cottage pie and leg o’ lamb from 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. on the 17th. The week also features a changing roster of live Irish bands, Guinness promos, giveaways and drink specials, all starting early and lasting all night. (
When: March 10 to 17, 11:30 a.m. to 4 a.m. (95 Pearl St. at Hanover Sq., 212-482-0400)

St. Patrick's weekend
It might seem that little lounge Obivia is a bit out out of its element in holding St. Patty's festivities, but folks looking for a relatively upscale alternative to raucous pubs and inebriated Irish folk shouldn't celebrate might want to check it out. Deals (and we use that word loosely) include $10 Nutty Irishmen (Frangelico and Irish Creme), $10 Car Bombs, $6.50 Guinness cans and a slightly off-sounding Irish tapas plate packed with shepherd's pie, corned beef and cabbage panini and potato pancakes.
When: March 14 to 17, 5 p.m. (201 Lafayette St. at Kenmare St., 212-226-4904)



Additional reporting by Ian J. Stark. Photo by iStockphoto.

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