Fantasy roles

Maybe you were recently laid off, or maybe it's just time to make something fun out of your life. Remember fun? We've got a list of classes around the city that can radically alter your life path, with your happiness in mind and regardless of your inevitably dire financial situation. Read on!

You wanna be: A private dancer
Why: You wanna audition for the next "Rock of Love Bus" series ... or simply look like Angie Pontani (pictured).
Standby method: Bring back that confident swagger this summer at New York School of Burlesque’s 4-week Dance Series. For $95, you’ll learn classic striptease moves, tassel twirling and chair dancing.
Less-expensive alternative: Pop into one of S Factor’s $40 pole-dancing sessions. The studio's NYC location offers classes daily. Or, head to Babeland’s SoHo store on July 12 for a sexy “Burlesque 101” class with New York performer and sex educator Darlinda Just Darlinda. For $35, you’ll learn bumps, grinds, shimmies and more.

You wanna be: A courtesan
Why: To stand out from NYC’s bountiful population of beautiful models, actresses and skinny bitches galore
Standby method: Fork over $800 to $1,200 for a 12-week online course designed by “The Rules” relationship gurus Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. You’ll transform into “a creature unlike any other”...and help other less-confident dames. Or save up $4,250 and enroll early for the fall semester at Mama Gena's School for Womanly Arts, which will train you to “use the power of pleasure” to have your way with the world. (The price seems a bit high until you hear the enthusiastic testimonials from past attendees.)
Less-expensive alternative: Bone up on your dating smarts with a discussion on “The Manhattan Mating Mystique” (June 16; 7 p.m.) for only $10, and listen to male and female panelists answer audience questions like “How long will they wait for me to have sex before they decide to move on?”

You wanna be: A real-life guitar hero
Why: Who doesn’t wanna rock?  
Standby Method: Scrounge together in spare change for private guitar lessons at $50 a pop, scramble to find a drummer and bassist on Craigslist, and shell out cash for your $75-a-week rehearsal space (only to discover that you don’t gel with your new band mates).
Less-Expensive Alternative: New York City Guitar School now offers an 8-week Adult Rock Band class for $319 for students who have been playing bass or guitar for as little as six months. In the ninth week, you get to perform with your band at a real, live rock club in NYC. “When it comes to music, there is no better way to challenge yourself than to play with other musicians, and you are having so much fun,” says Jen Elliott, director of NYC Guitar School. “The fact that it is a better deal than taking private lessons is just icing on the cake.”

You wanna be: Rock solid and ripped
Why: Being a softie didn't get you anywhere
Standby Method: Five personal training sessions at a chain New York City gym usually starts at $300.
Less-Expensive Alternative: Lots of gyms are offering smaller versions of their personal-training package. Crunch's five-pack of half-hour sessions with an in-house trainer will set you back less than $200.

You wanna be: A sexpert
Why: It’ll boost your ego and distract you, pleasantly, from your financial woes.
Standby method: Pleasure your senses at The New York Open Center’s one-day workshop with Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century, for $120 ($130 for non-members). You'll learn tantric techniques for “intense full-bodied orgasms” and “amazingly deep, heart-centered connections” (with a partner or with yourself).
Less-expensive alternative: Let married couple Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, founders of “The Pleasure Salon” monthly happy hour at the Happy Ending bar, get your mojo back at their “Tantric Erogenous Zones for Couples” ($60) workshop on June 14 at Babeland’s SoHo location. Or, bring your sweetie to Babeland’s L.E.S. location on July 17 at 7 p.m. for the store's “Cheap Date Night” and enjoy free workshops. Bonus: the first 25 couples receive a free gift bag with Babeland goodies, coupons and more.

You Wanna Be: A freelance writer
Why: The magazine you worked at just folded.
Standby Method: Scour Ed2010’s “Job Whispers” and pitch your little heart out, and be prepared to spend your evenings at happy hour events with other laid-off media workers. Or, take an 8-week course through Mediabistro for $499 and anything from beauty blogging to technology writing.
Less-expensive Alternative: MB’s increased the number of one-day workshops it offers, most which run from $60-$125. Going out of town this summer? Sign up for “Breaking into Travel Writing” on June 10 ($50-65; 6:45-9 p.m.) and you just might score the assignment that'll pay for your vacation.

You wanna be: A yogi
Why: So you’re less stressed/more flexible...about being broke
Standby method: Pay up to $300 a month for biweekly classes at your hood’s local (fill-in-the-blank style) studio.
Less-expensive alternative: Lots of studios are offering summer discounts for the summer. If you like your yoga hot, check out Bikram Yoga Manhattan’s $99-per-month unlimited yoga special (regularly $170). Or, ask your favorite studio about work-study opps: Some studios offer deals where you’ll work a 4- to 8-hour shift doing stuff like folding towels in exchange for free classes. 

You wanna be: A fashion designer
Why: Custom-made clothing isn’t in the ’09 budget
Standby method: Learn techniques on cutting, using patterns, and more through The Sew Fast Sew Easy Store’s 10-week comprehensive beginner-level sewing class at its Stitch and Bitch University. For $610, you’ll get 2 to 3 hours per week of hands-on instruction that’ll have you designing skirts and purses to sell by next Christmas.
Less-expensive alternative: Swap a skill (like drum lessons or editing services) with laid-off or budding designers/students to coach you, one-on-one, to sew. If that doesn’t work, contact Flirt Brooklyn for info on its Home Ec Studio’s one-day sewing classes. The Brooklyn studio also offers private lessons.

You wanna be: A chef
Why: You're eating out less (duh!)
Standby method: Invest five to ten hours (and $95 to $325) at the Institute of Culinary Education for tasty courses on low-calorie baking, “Seafood Bites for Entertaining” and “Cooking 101.” If it seems like a lot of money and time up front, consider the long-term value: You’ll lure lots of new, well-connected friends at your summer rooftop party.
Less-expensive alternative: Don’t got benjamins in the billfold? Set aside a few hours and about $50 and head to Whole Foods on Bowery. Create stuff like Thai Coconut Cilantro Soup at June 13’s hands-on “Great Dishes from India, Morocco and Southeast Asia Class” or whip up double-chocolate brownies on at the June 30 “Gluten Free Baking” class.

You wanna be: A wine connoisseur
Why: To spark up conversations at a swanky summer soiree.
Standby method: Sign up for a three-hour lecture and tasting on French or Italian wines at New York City Wine Class. For $90, you’ll enjoy some great wines and conversation with wine-loving strangers.
Less-expensive alternative: NYC Wine Class also offers a budget-minded “Great Cheap Wines” course for $65, on June 19 and other dates. Or, head to Moxie in the City’s two-hour Summer/BBQ Wine 101 Class on June 23 at Studio (353 W. 48th Street). Pay in advance and you’ll save $15 off the $45 admission price.