Q&A: Michael Ian Black

(Credit: Angela Boatwright)

"David Sedaris can suck it."

That's the conclusion reached by comedian Michael Ian Black, ubiquitous VH1 presence, burgeoning movie star and one-time cast member of the beloved local comedy troupe The State. In his first book of essays, "My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face," Black foolishly takes on the beloved best-selling author, as well as squirrels, chain restaurant orgies, bad beer and a variety of other topics that, by his own admission, have very little truth behind them.

Fortunately, despite the hating, "My Custom Van" (released on July 15) is extraordinarily funny. We caught up with Black just before his book tour started.

This is your first book. How did you decide on essays?
A few of these I had already written for the literary magazine McSweeney's. As for the rest...I had always wanted to write a book, but I didn't know how. But I'm good at writing these shorter essays, so I just wrote a lot of them.

Your first essay in here concerns what it must like being Billy Joel, going to a holiday party, and knowing somebody is going to ask him to play "Piano Man." As a comedian, do you ever feel that you have to the life of the party?
I never feel that way, no. I don't have any obligation to be funny...and that's reflected in my work, I believe.

You write of your love-hate relationship with David Sedaris in "My Custom Van." How did this start?
Probably when I wrote that essay. I've actually never met him; I'm a fan of his. I know his sister [comedian Amy Sedaris]. I just thought he'd be a good target for me. I like to attack the beloved. It's indefensible; by attacking him, it makes me look stupid. And he's probably too smart to respond.

Your penis came up a lot (ha) in these essays...any reason why?
I hope it's not the predominant theme.

Why does your bio insist on telling people you didn't get the "The Late Show" gig that went to Craig Ferguson?
I'm big on my failures. There's been so many of them! I feel like the world has enough self-aggrandizing. For a comedian, it's important to own up, and tell people where you've sucked.

Do you get recognized on the street? 
It depends. Lately, I get a lot of people who know me from doing those VH1 specials. They air that stuff a lot. But oftentimes, I get recognized for being Kids in the Hall....which, had I been in that, would have been great.

Are you a fan of any comedy troupes out there?
I actually don't pay too much attention to them, but I do like Human Giant.

You write about a beer that's low in calories and tastes like ass, called Maximus Beer. Doesn't that already exist, and isn't it Coors Light?
(Laughs) Very possible.

Is there any truth to these essays? Like, for instance, the one about partying or the first girl you fingered...
You didn't want to say that out loud, did you? Hmmm... I'd have to look at the book to remember. The David Sedaris essay is fairly true - not the part where I tell him to "suck it" but the overall theme, that the point of genius seems to be to make me feel mediocre. I feel this on a daily basis. Oh, and there was one called "Letters to a Squirrel." I did actually see a squirrel, and thought it wasn't so cute. But that's probably not what you meant.

Why did you choose "My Custom Van" as the essay that would also serve as the title?
Because if I picked that one, then I could have an excuse to have a van with a naked airbrushed wizard chick on the cover.

If I can take what is said on Wikipedia is true, you once played poker against Star Jones. What?
She was at the table; it was for a celebrity poker tournament. Poker is something I got into when I was about 22 or 23. It was around then I decided to get good at it, and I was willing to pay for my education, so to speak. That's how you learn in poker. I've always liked games, and poker combines skill and luck with my obsession with money.

Are you good?
I don't think I'm particularly good. I'm not good compared to even the shittiest pro poker player, but I'm a good amateur. And I'm good compared to someone who doesn't play, like Star Jones.

You have a lot of A-level people writing blurbs for you, such as Stephen Colbert and Sarah Silverman. Did they actually read the book?
I doubt anyone of them read it. I don't care; I hope to return the favor someday and provide a blurb on a book of theirs that I've never read.  

What's next for you?
I'm working on a TV pilot for Comedy Central. Oh, and a children's book. "Chicken Cheeks" it's called. The "cheeks" refer to the chicken's butt. It's proudly dumb. In the tradition of all my work.